Before saying yes Before a difficult conversation Raising a concern When a pattern repeats Making a decision When it needs to be perfect Choose a reflection below.
People-pleasing · A pause before answering
Before saying yes
Think of a request you are considering. Give your own preference some attention before deciding how to respond.
With some time to think, what would you want to say? Choose the closest fit Yes, I want to do this. No, I don’t want to take this on. I’m not sure yet. I can offer something, with a limit.
What makes giving that answer difficult? Choose the closest fit I don’t want to disappoint them. I’m worried about conflict. I feel responsible for handling it. I’m not sure what happens for me. I’m worried about my safety.
What is being asked of you? (optional)
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Preparing for a difficult conversation? Try the related reflection · All reflections
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Communication · Finding words
Before a difficult conversation
Choose one conversation you want to have. Consider what matters to you and one thing you would like to ask for. You can use the prompts without writing anything here.
What would help before this conversation? Choose the closest fit Finding words for what matters to me. Choosing a workable moment to talk. Making one clear request. Addressing a concern or complaint. I’m worried about my safety.
What do you want to talk about? (optional)
What do you want them to understand? (optional)
What change would you like to discuss? (optional)
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Deciding whether to raise a concern? Try the related reflection · All reflections
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Concerns and complaints · Deciding what to ask for
Raising a concern
Something has happened that you may want to address. Consider what you know, whether you want to raise it, and what response would be useful. You can leave the written answers blank.
What needs attention before you decide whether to raise it? Choose the closest fit I need to clarify what happened. I need to know what I want to ask for. I want to raise it, but need the words. I’m weighing the time, effort or relationship. I’m worried about my safety.
What response would be useful? Choose the closest fit An explanation or more information. Acknowledgment of what happened or its effect. A correction or practical remedy. A clear plan for what happens next. I’m not sure yet.
What have you observed? (optional)
What would you like to ask for? (optional)
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Still weighing your options? Try the related reflection · All reflections
Ready to prepare a conversation? Try the conversation reflection
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Recurring patterns · Looking at one moment
When a pattern repeats
Choose one recent situation that felt familiar. Start with what happened and what you expected, before trying to explain it.
What did you notice yourself doing? Choose the closest fit Agreeing before I knew what I wanted. Becoming quiet or pulling back. Explaining more and more. Getting caught in an argument. Taking over the responsibility. I’m not sure yet.
What were you most concerned might happen? Choose the closest fit Criticism or disappointment. Distance in the relationship. Not knowing what would happen. Being left to handle it alone. I’m not sure yet.
What happened in that moment? (optional)
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Notice yourself agreeing too quickly? Try the related reflection · All reflections
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Decisions · What matters to you
Making a decision
Think of a choice you are facing. This reflection can help you see what needs attention before you decide.
What is making the decision difficult? Choose the closest fit I’m afraid of making the wrong choice. Other people’s expectations. I need more information. What I would have to give up. Important needs pull me in different directions.
What needs particular attention in this choice? Choose the closest fit Connection and relationships. Stability and steadiness. Freedom and room to choose. Meaning and purpose. My time, energy and responsibilities. I’m still finding words for it.
What are you deciding between? (optional)
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Does this choice feel familiar? Try the related reflection · All reflections
Considering a concern or complaint? Try Raising a concern
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Perfectionism · Finding a stopping point
When it needs to be perfect
Choose one task you are finding hard to begin, finish or share. Consider what it requires and what another revision or check would give you.
Where are you getting caught? Choose the closest fit Starting a first attempt. Revising again and again. Checking repeatedly. Letting someone else see it.
What seems to need more attention? Choose the closest fit A requirement I still need to meet. A detail I keep changing. Wanting reassurance that it’s good enough. I’m not sure what the task needs.
What are you working on? (optional)
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Having trouble choosing a next step? Try the related reflection · All reflections
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These are prompts for reflection, not an assessment. Bring anything you notice to our conversations. For more reading, the Centre for Clinical Interventions offers resources on assertiveness and perfectionism .
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